i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
