Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
