I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
