I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
