im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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