I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
