so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
