I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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