Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
