dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
