shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I die, sorry about rent.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
