OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
