90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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