she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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