no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
