You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
