Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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