that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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