Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
