I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
