I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
