my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
