i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
