I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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