I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
