I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
