if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
