I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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