you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
