She is in my trunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
