I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
