Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
