I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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