After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
