i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
