honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sex in a hospital.. check
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
