"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
