TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need water and some morals
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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