The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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