we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh god it's open bar.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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