She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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