at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
