I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
