Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
