Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
