she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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