omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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