i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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