those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
