What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
