I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
