I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
