it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
