thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
